watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I cut my penus on the lid.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
