the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
