And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
