im drinking this country out of the recession.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
