Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
