Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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