Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
