Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
