I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
