okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
