fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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