I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
