he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
