My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
