ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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