I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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