She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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