I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
