Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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