I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
