I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
