sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I bet he comes in French.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
