what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
