How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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