your parents love me but you hate me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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