capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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