fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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