i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
