I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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