My cat gives me a boner
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
