we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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