This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
