This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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