break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
