just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
