I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
