Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
