You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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