i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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