The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
