Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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