Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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