Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
that may or may not have been my penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
