if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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