I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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