To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
