Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
