Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize