I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
