Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
