ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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