he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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