ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
