Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
