We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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