You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
