im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Semen is not good for contacts.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
